Excuses, Excuses

I can pretty much find an excuse for or justify anything.  This can be a self-service or a service I offer to other people.  Need help justifying buying that $300 mixer?  Call me, I'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside about buying it instead of the "Oh-my-God-why-in-the-world-would-I-spend-this-much-on-a-small-kitchen-appliance" kind of crazy that you should be.  Who in the world buys a $300 mixer anyway?  (By the way, I would.  I've been wanting a Kitchenaid mixer for forever!)  

So it is with a humble heart that I apologize to you, my loyal readers (Jeri, Jinny... maybe Kristi), for not posting in over ten days.  Here are my excuses... I went completely stupid and let a lot of unnecessary drama swoop into my life and then I let it stress me out.  Big time.  I was so stressed that I didn't buy anything at the store except for ramen noodles and hamburger helper.  Why, you ask.  Well, basically, my mind felt like such mush when I went grocery shopping that I didn't want to have to cook anything that took up more than 5% of my brain.  I came home with my splendorous bag of groceries to my perplexed husband.  

"Are we broke?"

"No."

"Did we spend too much money this weekend?"

"No."

"Why does it look like we're eating like we used to when we were po'?"

"Uhahoh." (You know when you grunt "I don't know" but don't actually enunciate at all...)

Noticing the lump in my throat and the water in my eyes he asks, "Are you going to be okay if I go out of town?"

"Uh-huh."  Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh......

I cry about my stupidness last week when I helped out someone that... oh ugh.  Just doesn't appreciate anyone or anything and is just so freakin' selfish.  I knew not to help, I knew but I didn't listen to myself.  And then I heard some bad news about family over the weekend that really got to me.  Although, when you look at the big picture, I don't know why it would've.  I haven't been close to these family members in a long time.  I know their new situation is for the best too, but it still hurt to hear.  And then, Jeff is going out of town for the week.  I've been so used to having him home every night, that I know I'm going to miss him like crazy.  I felt like begging him to stay; wrapping my arms around the base of his legs and just pleading like a mad woman.  

"Stay, baby, please stay... I don't care if it means not having any money since you're just leaving so you can work so we can pay the bills...  STAY!"  

Then he'd shake me off his leg and leave me in the dust.  Don't worry I didn't humiliate myself that much.  Close, but not quite that bad.  And he didn't leave me in the dust.  He held me tight and talked to me right.  Told me all the little things I needed to hear to stop the tears, to loosen my embrace around his neck.  To let him leave, not to be seen for another four days.

I tell him how I just don't feel like doing that much this week.  I don't feel like doing anymore then the minimum to ensure my family doesn't go hungry.  I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything.  And this is odd for me, because I'm not that person.  I bounce back easily from bad news and setbacks.  But this drama that I endured last week, left me feeling shaken to my core.  Emotionally drained.  So every other inconvenience or non-glorious moment set me off this weekend.  Tears were ready to burst a majority of the weekend, my throat hurt from me trying to push them back a lot of the time.  It wasn't fun.  I'm beginning to think that maybe instead of going out of town for the weekend I should've gone on a spa day.  Manicures and hot stone massages.  Yeah, that's the ticket.  I'll have to remember for next time.  

It was a good enough weekend, just relaxed with family and friends.  Football games, steak dinners, wireless networks, music and friends.  That's all I needed.  But it still didn't take care of the permanently placed stress headache that was planted right in the center of my forehead all weekend.  I went to bed last night alone, well except for Kaitlyn, wishing for a better day today.  I got it.  Nothing special, but my headache was gone and I was able to smile without faking it.  

I know, I know... waa, waa.  Get over it!

Self Post Critiques:  Could I have started anymore sentences with the word 'and'?  Could I have been a bigger whinebag?  Also, this post seems a little messy.  Like I'm jumping from one thing to another... I don't know.  I'm not feeling this one, ya know?  But, I've been delaying posting anything lately because of all the icky crap that no one wants to read about.  Meh, you'll get over it.

UPDATE: I was finally able to go through orientation to be a Girl Scout Troop Leader for my little girl's troop. I've got all sorts of paperwork to fill out and give out at the next meeting... I'm so excited!!! =)